Tuesday, June 30, 2009

To post or not to post.

Prepare for a long but important and serious post.

When I started blogging, it was a way for me to talk about things that I couldn't discuss with people in my life. Issues I have with family, friends, personal parts of myself. It was an online diary. A place where I could truly be myself and not be judged. If someone didn't like my blog, they didn't have to read it. Most of my interests, my belief system and who I am is not mainstream. While some people enjoy what I have to talk about, others choose to mock and ridicule and I just don't want to deal with their negative backlash. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all and leave my blog, please.

You may have noticed that I don't talk much about friends and I've been keeping my blog a bit more on the surface than what I used to. There are many reasons for this. One is that I've come to realize that people I know in real life may visit my blog once in awhile. I wouldn't want them to be hurt by the way I feel about things even though it would be nice to talk to them about it. Unfortunately, I've tried talking to certain people in the past and they didn't want to discuss these things. Most people I know would rather pretend something never happened and move on. I'm the type that wants to talk things out and resolve them as long as both parties are being rational. I've been editing my past blog content to eliminate things that may hurt someone or bother them. I've saved all the info and may open a private blog someday to be able to talk about these things.

About two weeks ago, I had a situation happen with a fellow blogger. I wasn't going to mention it on here because I felt the best way to deal with the situation was to move on and not waste my energy on this negativity. Yesterday, this person decided to start stuff up again and now I feel like I have to address it here.

I won't be saying who it is or what blog is theirs because that's just starting trouble. I will say it's a "she" but that doesn't give anything away because most of my readers are female. Nothing I say in this post will attempt to give away their identity.

This person started out as a friend that I met through the blog world. Eventually we began to communicate through email, postal mail and by phone. After awhile, I realized this was not someone I wanted to be friends with. There were many reasons that I decided this and I won't talk about them here because I don't want to give away this person's identity. I'm not that mean. I had tried to talk to this person and explain some of the things that were bothering me. Unfortunately, they didn't understand where I was coming from and I knew that things would never change. It was at that point that I decided to just end the friendship. I did this through email clearly stating the reasons why I was doing it because I didn't want to end the friendship and not have them know why. I didn't feel that I was harsh but the email I got back shocked me.

She attacked my character, my art/crafts and things about me that I had shared on this blog. She swore, called me names, etc. It was not the response I was expecting. I thought we could handle this like adults but obviously not. Think about personal parts of yourself that you have only shared with a couple people. Now imagine those people mocking what you shared. It's a low blow and not necessary when it has nothing to do with why the friendship ended. I wish I could explain in words how cruel this person was trying to be to me.

I recently did a post on how short life is. I choose to rid myself of negative people/situations whenever it is possible. Life's too short to deal with the bullshit. This is why I wasn't even going to post about the situation at all. Yesterday, this person began posting anonymously on my blog. I had a feeling it was her because of the location that showed up in my Feedjit and she was typically coming from her blog. I responded to her comments cautiously, in case it was her. Then she emailed me last night and I knew for a fact it was her because the email address had her boyfriend's info in it. Plus the "story" that she tried to recreate for this anonymous identity didn't add up. I responded to that email carefully. I received an email back where she confirmed who it really was and then she proceeded to start attacking me again. I really wish I could show you all how horrible the emails were but I won't do that. It's catty and immature and would give away who this is. Needless to say, I have not and will not ever respond to her emails that are of that nature.

A couple weeks ago, when our friendship ended, she had said she would never visit my blog again. Well, I could tell that she was visiting based on Feedjit and then her anonymous postings happened and she also started deleting negative comments that she had left on my blog before. I know that she'll probably read this. If so, I want to say...

Just leave me alone! Please, move on and stop with everything. Stop attacking my character and making me into this person that I'm not. Enough with the lies. Please use your energy on more positive things. There are so many causes in the world that you could be spending your time and energy on. Our friendship is done and you know why so don't try to make it into something it's not. Just stop.


DeadmansLog said...

Deep breath, dear.

You don't have to put up with malarkey and you know it, so just don't do it! Don't feed the fire. Don't respond. Don't get riled.

Delete mean-natured comments without a second thought, the same with e-mails. Don't even read things when you know who it's coming from. Don't respond... because you know what? You don't have to and the more you give in, the more that person wins.

*hug* Keep thinking positive, and don't let this situation get you down. It won't last forever.

Dracenea said...

DeadmansLog - Thanks dahling. :) I think at this point I'm just in shock that this person won't let it go. I hope it won't last much longer! Ahh!

Ghoul Friday said...

Yes, a deep breath is good. Something weird happening in the blogosphere today as rampant reports of haunter fallouts are being posted everywhere. Three so far today.

I think you and anon poster just need to break ties, as you say. Walk away and be done with it. The hurt feelings both of you are suffering will dissipate much faster if everyone stops talking about it. If anon keeps harassing, ignore them. They are obviously lashing out because of pain too.

So really, not only are you helping yourself by letting it go, you are helping them too (however unwilling they are to see this). And hey, that makes up for whatever bad karma might have built up in all this :)

The Frog Queen said...

So sorry to hear that. I appreciate your being honest and sharing and I applaud your commitment to keeping the names out of it. Thinking of you and hoping you get through this quickly. I understand how it is hard to focus on the future when the present seems to be so demanding.

Heed Deadmanslog's advice - those are words to live by.

Take care. Thinking of you.


halloween spirit said...

Wow!! It's really quite disturbing to find what some people will resort to.

Keep doing what you're doing. Don't rise to her comments. Ignore them, delete them and chances are that eventually she'll get bored and move on.

Dracenea said...

Ghoul Friday - Haunter fallouts? Uh oh!

I changed my blog so no one can post anonymously anymore so this person set up a new profile and did try to leave a really long comment on this page about a half hour ago. She claims she's done now but she's said that before. We'll see. I can still tell when she's visiting my blog. As I said before, just stop!

Frog Queen - I kept her name out of everything as I hope she keeps mine out of hers. It's only fair. Thank you for your kind words. :)

Halloween Spirit - I get that some people just grab onto anything they can use when they're mad but at some point, you need to grow up and "fight fair". There's no need to drag in subjects that had nothing to do with the fallout.

Check the comment I left about for Ghoul Friday. I'm still deleting her comments! I sincerely hope she's done now.

Laura said...

I'm thinking about you and sending good energy your way. Just remember that what they put out there, will come back to bite them later on. :-)

Cindy said...

Whoa! I hope everything turns out okay for you...and I for one love your crafts and everything. I'm sorry to hear that this friendship went bad...it's always rough when things like this happen...

All the best,

Diane said...

i don't like that this is happening. your blog is yours and it sucks when someone wants to try to pollute your own little spot in the universe with their negativity.

personally, i like to stay away from crazy, since, you know, i got enough of my own going on! :)

ignoring is good but sometimes you gotta speak up and say hey, enough is enough. i'm glad you were able to get some of it off your chest.

obviously you've got a lot of support here. like halloween spirit said, you just keep doing what you're doing! :)

Dracenea said...

Laura - Thank you for the good energy!

Cindy - Aww, that was sweet. I'm also sorry that things turned out this way but I'm glad that things ended when they did.

Diane - Yeah, for awhile there I didn't feel like posting at all cuz' I knew my blog was being watched.

I tried to ignore but felt like my readers should know why my blog will be changing a bit. Not only because of what this person did but because I have people in "real life" that read my blog now!

Thanks for your support!

PumpkinBrain said...

So sorry to hear what happened to your friendship. I admire how you handle this situation. You proved to be a very mature person.

I hope this situation doesn't drain too much of you energy and that it will be over soon.

Dracenea said...

PumpkinBrain - Thank you for your comment. I'm sincerely hoping that this person is truly done visiting my blog and attempting to contact me. Only time (and Feedjit) will tell. :)

現在建築式™ said...

My Blog
Thanks for your share
Nice to meet you

Hsinchu, Taiwan

Dracenea said...

Now Constructs The Type - Nice to meet you too, my Taiwan blog friend! I translated your name to English and got "Now Constructs The Type". :)

Your blog has beautiful pictures!

SeaRune said...

*shakes head* Its a shame that people are like that...they love drama and when I have people like that I try to do what I can to ignore them (and of course protect myself) You said your peace to her and now that you have moved on and are trying to ignore her...after a while she will get tired of it and realize she isn't getting anything (like getting you riled up and responding back to her) she'll eventually leave you alone.

Dracenea said...

SeaRune - Thanks for stopping by my blog. Sounds like you and I handle these situations the same way. I hope you're right!

Riverwolf, said...

Sounds like you're handling it the best way possible, and i'm on board with all your other posters here.

Blogging is a lot of fun and a way to connect with great people we'd never otherwise meet and get to know. However, sometimes you have to be really careful with who you let into your "real world." It's ok to protect yourself.

Dracenea said...

Riverwolf - Thanks for the encouragement. :)

Renee said...

Her actions are just that, "a low blow" and she's did it to hurt you. She'd take you back in a haert beat and but she is too immature to deal with her issues productively.

Maybe shes growing up since she is virtually retracting her words by deleting the comments.

Or, maybe she knows you can report her ass. Block those emails. Don't look for her and don't bother reading two words of it--WASTE OF TIME.

But I think you (and Michael Jackson) said it best: "Just leave me alone!"

Dracenea said...

Renee - Thanks for your comment. I definitely agree with Michael Jackson! May he RIP. :(

drollgirl said...

oh god. i sure hope she reads this and gets the hint. sheesh!!! not everyone can be friends, and that should be the end of it.

there are SO MANY COOL people in the blog world, and now i know there some freaks too. this chick is a freak, and i hope this is the last you hear of her!

Dracenea said...

Drollgirl - Thanks for stopping by! Unfortunately this isn't the last I've heard of her. I'm going to be doing another post soon.