Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I've fallen in the gutter and I can't get up!

I don't normally do two posts in one day but I had to separate out the topics a bit so here ya' go.

The restaurant business is dirty. Not only physically but mentally as well. For those of you who have been following my blog for a bit, you know that I now work part-time at a pizza place. I worked for the same chain about eight years ago so I knew what I was getting into and was kinda' looking forward to it. Gone are my corporate days of dressing up, minding my P's and Q's and behaving like a proper minion. Now I have a uniform to wear and I only have to watch my behavior around the customers.

I don't smoke myself but almost everyone else that I work with smokes something, if ya' know what I mean. Most people have a foul mouth, including myself. I don't drop the F-Bomb for the most part but a resounding Son-of-a-Bizotch and the occasional Damn-it has rolled off my tongue more than once while cleaning up. We have a sprayer in the back to clean off pans and whatnot and it's so pressurized that you're bound to get pizza sauce or something sprayed up in your face at some point.

Everything sounds dirty too. For example:

-Just one pump of oil and then swirl it around.
-Careful not to squirt it at me.
-Hot pans coming through.
-I got sauce everywhere.
-Who spilled the oil?
-I need more sausage.
-Just poke it and see if it's done.
-How many sticks would you like?
-That one gets extra sauce.
-Make that a meat lovers.

Okay, you get the picture. Some of those may not sound dirty at first but when you're in the gutter already, it's all dirty. Even the subject line of this post sounds a bit dirty to me.

It doesn't help that I'm working with flirty boys either. Apparently it's the uniform because I went to Taco Bell after work one night and the drive through guy commented on my uniform and asked which store I worked at. I told him and then when he brought my order, he said, "I gave you an extra guacamole just to say peace." and then he threw up the peace sign. Hilarious yet bizarre! Peace?

I saw a commercial on TV the other night for Johnsonville. Guess what their new slogan is?

Sausage is all we do.

I so need to get a t-shirt that says that! I actually emailed the company to see if they sell t-shirts like that. : )


Diane said...

lol! i'm dying here! too funny. i need to get me one of them uniforms apparently.

until i had to quit working i was a bartender on and off ever since i started working. in that setting, for whatever reason, you can make anything sound perverted!

omg if they do sell the shirt, please let me know. rik likes to wear stoopid stuff like that to shows. he'd love it!

Dreamwriter said...

That is so funny! How about *I am in the weeds!* OR *Hot Stuff coming through>*

I waitressed for 13 years so I understand! That is too funny!

Dracenea said...

Diane - With the uniform, I am tres' sexy apparently. ha ha It's really nothing special. Black pants, black shoes (my normal attire) and then a black shirt with red accents and a black and red hat. I think I look silly in hats but I have to wear it. I have my hair in a pony tail too. Everyone has guessed that I'm in my early to mid-twenties so that works for me!

OMG I bet the bar had an even higher perversion level! Give me some drinks and I'm wayyy raunchier.

I really hope they tell me they have the shirts cuz' that would be awesome. I'll let you know if I hear anything.

Dracenea said...

Dreamwriter - There is talk of "weed". ha ha

Renee said...

Too funny. How did you escape Corporate America? It's the golden handcuffs, I like the money... don't like feeling not myself for political reasons.

I too am working on my potty mouth. I recently made up the word heaven's yang to replace the word 'hell'.

And I've seen some really bad subliminal commercials lately. It's not your imagination. THey do it on purpose.

"Peace" Dawg. :)

Dracenea said...

Renee - I was in the financial industry for eight years and ended up in a department full of shady people. More info in the blog post here:


I was making more than double what I'm making now but I'm much happier now too so it's a give and take. We'll see what happens when the money runs out though!

I try not to swear around certain people but when I'm driving, watch out! It really doesn't matter who's in the car. They're going to hear something colorful cuz' there are a lot of morons on the road. :)

Peace back at ya'! ha ha

The Frog Queen said...

LOL! Not only the posts....but the comments. You are all so clever. So I am not even going to try to compete.

I agree, I love the money I get at my day job...but the splitting yourself in two or more parts is DIFFICULT.

I also work for Polly Anna and I am SO NOT! The pizza place is sounding better all the time.

BTW - to all of you. Being in marketing myself...you are not dreaming about the evil you see around you. We spend our whole day dreaming up terrible ways to separate you from your money. I know, I am evil. But I am okay with it :)

Thanks again for your wonderful blog!!!!

halloween spirit said...

I worked in professional kitchens for a couple of years. Your post has brought back a lot of memories!! Some funny; others, not so much :D

Dracenea said...

Frog Queen - Glad you enjoyed the post and comments. You may be an evil marketing person but that's part of your charm. :) You're welcome to come join me at the pizza place any time! We'll go for drinks afterwards cuz' we'll need em'. I haven't had a drink in months but after one crazy night there, I came home and put a shot of mudslide in my mocha. Just what the doctor ordered!

Halloween Spirit - They were the best of times. They were the worst of times. Right? :)

Riverwolf, said...

If I were one of those queens with biting wit, I'd have all KINDS of things to say! Well, it does sound like fun--much more fun than the corporate world any day!

But the peace sign? All I can think of is Miley Cyrus doing that when she poses for the papparazzi. She's my new role model...

Dracenea said...

Riverwolf - Oh gosh...maybe that's what that guy was trying to do? Scary!

Eve Noir said...

"Careful not to squirt it at me."

if someone said that i think i'd die on the floor laughing. OMG! these are great. let us know more as they occur at work....:) atleast work is somewhat entertaining, right? :}

can't wait for the GIVEAWAY...woo hoo!

Dracenea said...

Eve - Check out the post I just did. :)